Personal Experience

I am a firm believer that experience brings about the best understanding because, from the wise words of one of my mentors: "we only know what we don't know". So, I am going to give you a quick peek into my personal experience with EMDR. Buckle up....

           I try to be a practice-what-you-preach type of person and, for that reason, I genuinely try to integrate a lot of the therapeutic approaches and coping skills into my personal life that I help my clients utilize in their own therapeutic journeys. EMDR Therapy is no exception. So much so that the institute that trained me in EMDR Therapy required everyone to participate in a practicum where the trainees had to provide and receive EMDR Therapy.

I have been participating in EMDR Therapy in my own counseling sessions for a few months now, and here is what I’ve experienced:

• less reactivity (i.e., a decrease feeling of being on edge, jumpiness, PTSD-type symptoms, etc.)

• an increased ability to have fun with my child (the more I heal my own inner child) (I laughed until my stomach hurt watching the movie "Vivo"... “the 5 P’s of planning: proper planning prevents poor performance”. Lol, if you know you know. I have found myself enjoying our impromptu soccer games together, and have just been more playful in our everyday interactions)

• feeling more sure of myself/accepting of myself while also simultaneously feeling empowered to explore who I really am - beyond my trauma. (what music I enjoy, what styles I feel best in, which activities I genuinely want to pursue)

In the past, my functioning can best be summed up as a constant "trauma response'. I was always in fight-flight mode, and genuinely had no idea of who I was. Due to this unstable sense of self, I seemed to change course constantly in a desperate attempt to find myself. I now know, in trauma therapy terms, that different “part” of me were fighting for the spotlight, trying to take center stage of who I was in any given moment. While these different parts are all me, none of them singlehandedly constructed who I am as a person. In other words, none of them aligned with my “true self”.

However, through EMDR reprocessing, I have felt a sense of calm with my exploration of self as well as a feeling of acceptance of my various parts (such as my 5 year old inner child self, angsty teenage self, lost young adult self, mom self, daughter self, professional self, etc.). Each of these parts is present with intention and, while some are less effective in their ways, they are all present to provide me with forms of safety and protection. I have learned to accept each of them to the fullest, and continue finding alignment with my true self.

Your Experience 

So, when people ask me what EMDR Therapy can do for them… I don’t quite know what to say. The possibilities are endless. Not having met the present, healing version of yourself, I don’t think words can sum up the immense beauty that is underneath the surface of your cumulative experiences. While I cannot define what you will discover during this journey, I know it will be a thing of beauty. To experience the freedom that comes along with accepting yourself to the fullest and no longer being bound by the chains and wounds of your past... it is both indescribable and different for everyone. 

With that being said… I want to place a disclaimer on this wonderful therapy option. It DOES NOT feel like sunshine and rainbows. Please here me say that… while my decreased reactivity and increased playfulness has been happily welcomed, my first week of reprocessing felt like a cyclone of anger, sadness, and a whole lot of “f*ck this sh*t”… there are obstacles and roadblocks and freaking sky-high mountains that emerge to knock you on your ass as you reprocess some memories… but there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Then another mountain… and then more light. Then it feels like you got tackled by a football player, emotionally… but then there's a really beautiful sunset 😊 Okay, you get the point.

It’s a journey worth taking, but please be prepared. You’re about to meet your best self; it just takes a little bit of wrestling with (and acceptance of) the past.