I get so excited for New Year’s Eve to roll around, as it gives me a slight dopamine boost after the Christmas “what do I do now” recovery period. It never fails though; as the clock ticks on during NYE, it is always accompanied by my trusty emotional roller coaster which often includes ugly crying and failed attempts at deep breathing. Reminiscing on the beautiful times, filled with laughter and spontaneity. Gratitude for our loved ones who are still with us… even through cancer diagnoses, car accidents, physical and mental health issues, etc. Thank you, Lord for their continued presence. I grieve and re-grieve the ones whose presence is lacking, both momentarily and eternally. Feeling the pain of the year’s hurts and heartbreaks. The sheer overwhelm of all that the year has held… I embrace it all. 

Doesn’t that sound fun? Would you like to join in on my version of a NYE celebration? You may wonder why I don’t party it up like so many others do; toasting champagne, kissing at midnight, dancing the night away. The truth is, I have spent too many days, too many years trying everything to numb away my emotions. Most of my attempts were ineffective, short term, and certainly unhealthy. Though I intentionally cut out the majority of my “emotion-numbing” attempts (I am still fighting the hold that food and thrift shopping have on me - it's a process, y'all), a benefit of such has been a shift in the way I respond to my emotions. 

Rather than trying everything to not feel the overwhelming emotions of life, I have (over time) learned to give myself the grace and the gift of sitting in my emotions. It may not be the most euphoric thing in the moment, as I am sure the NYE party-goers would agree, but reflecting on the year’s adventures and feeling all the emotions the arise in connection to it all… you are giving yourself the gift of processing the year. 

Last year’s baggage is going to come with you into the New Year, no matter how many affirmations, resolutions, goals, etc. you put out into the universe; but processing the year’s happenings will lessen the load of that baggage. It’s such a glorified idea that we go into the New Year “new”; as if midnight will create a reverse Cinderella effect… instead of her fancy dress, carriage, etc. disappearing at midnight, we will be presented with all heart’s desires when we shift into the new year. It sounds good and it may be fun, for that night. 

You know who will likely wake up on New Years Day with no regrets? The companies whose sales skyrocketed, providing people fancy clothes, New Year’s Eve accessories, champagne, liquor, etc. and (hopefully) Uber Drivers. My point is, things aren’t always worth the hype. Sometimes they are another opportunity to self-harm, deflect, and numb – but presented in such a glamorized way. 

Wow… that really sounds like I’m hating on anyone that goes out on NYE. Yikes! I promise, I am not. I am also not encouraging anybody to cry all night on the floor of your locked bathroom, ruminating about your whole life. All I am saying is that it’s okay if your NYE didn’t look like it’s “supposed” to. You didn’t fail. If you didn’t do a balloon-drop for your kids – you didn’t fail. If you didn’t feel happy and optimistic as the clock neared 12 – you didn’t fail. If you didn’t toast to a new year – you didn’t fail. If you cried, or stayed in bed – you didn’t fail. My hope for everyone on NYE, and all days, is that you provided for you and your body whatever it needed from you at the time. This past NYE, I needed a good cry and a makeshift tea party on the floor with my girls. That was my win. What will yours be?